Dear Afifah. In case you forgot.

18th January 2015.

Along : 

Ummi, betulka keputusan yang Along buat untuk sambung master ni?

Ummi : 

InsyaAllah betul. Bukankah itu yang Along cita-citakan? Cuma mungkin jarak yang jauh buat along rasa sunyi, apatah lagi kawan kawan along tidak bersama Along. Apa pun Ummi tetap sokong cita-cita Along ini. Dekatkan diri kepada Allah, kerana Ummi rasa ada yang telah me-was-was pilihan Along. 

Ayuh, dayung sudah di tangan jangan biar perahu tenggelam sebelum sampai ke tepi. Faham maksud Ummi? Usaha sungguh-sungguh, jangan mudah putus asa selagi cita-cita belum tercapai nanti jadi buang masa, buang duit, buang tenaga. Berakit-rakit ke hulu berenang ke tepian bersakit dahulu bersenang kemudian. Tak lama along. 1 1/2 tahun sahaja. 

Pejam celik akan selesai, seperti Along buat degree dulu. Kuatkan semangat.

Allah tak suka orang berputus asa.

Boleh Along?

Because you are my the source of my strength. I just love you so much, Ummi.

A confession

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. (In the name of Allah, the most gracious, most merciful)

Assalamua'laikum. (May peace be upon you)

Ya Allah. I have a confession to make. I know that this is not the right place for me to spill the problems but I guess that this might be helpful to me. I just need to get this 'thing' out of my heart. U know, I got an opportunity to further my master study here, at UTHM. And Alhamdulillah I am very grateful for this chance. But, there are something that holding me back. I'm homesick. Like VERY HOMESICK. I miss my home; more like I miss my family. I miss my brothers and sisters. I miss my Ummi and Walid. Owh Allah. Only He knows how lonely I am here. You know, after being at home for about six months and suddenly you need to move from your own comfort shelter. It is just not the right feeling. I guess I am quite manja. 

But now, thinking back about what is happening all around me. I think I need to sit back, take an ablution and start praying and say thanks to Allah for the opportunity that He has given to me. As what Ummi has said to me;

"Bukan semua orang bertuah macam Along. After finished your practical, 

u got an offer to do master. Dan bukan macam orang lain yang mungkin nak kena cari rumah

sewa and everything, Along dapat dengan senang. Allah dah mudahkan jalan untuk Along.

Dah tu, master along setahun setengah ja."

Yes, this is what I want. I want to continue my study. And this is what I get. 

Dear Me,

I would remind to you about something. Do you remember that once you really want to go to MRSM. And Allah has grant your wishes. He gives you the opportunity to go to MRSM. And yes. You are homesick just because you can't live with your family anymore. You start to make a lot of problems. And I remember how Ummi and walid are really worried about you. They willing to fetch you from asrama after working hours and bring you back home. And, did you remember that for the first two weeks they willing to take your dirty laundry and bring back home so that you don't have to wash your own clothes even at that time you are already 16 years old? And did you remember that on every weekend they would come to you and take you for shopping and you just could spend all of their money without thinking about anything else. And they don't even say anything just because they love u. Didn't you notice that even your brothers and sisters does not have the privileges like you have? 

And what you have given to them? You didn't even focus or concentrate on your study. You failed your SPM. You broke your own dreams. And also YOUR PARENTS DREAM. You give nothing even they have give everything to you.

Dear Me,

I know that you could not remember everything that **** have done for you. But, by remembering some of them; they are all too much. They love you so much even you have done so many problems and the worse thing is, you never help them to build their way to Jannah. Think Me. Think. You have received the chance that you really want. Then do it the best you can. Never ever try to give up. **** really hope that you would make this thing right. They want the best for you. And they support you. Just look around you. Just look at how much they have spend for you. **** bought you a new laptop, a new printer and give you a car so that it will be easier for you. So that you will have the best convenience. And not to forget. Please remember how hard they have work for you and your siblings.

Dear Me,

Please remember that **** is now 51 and **** is already 55. They did not want you to stay with them for forever. They want you to fulfill your dreams so that it might be easier for you to help yourself if the time come. Please remember that you got your brothers and sisters that you need to take care of. Please Me. Do really focus on what Allah has given to you. Be grateful with it and do the best you can. Remember that Allah is there for you. ****, Angah, Alang, Achik and Adik are with you too. Just be strong not to give up. Remember them. And be glad and grateful with what you have.

Wish you ALL THE BEST. This is just temporary. The 1 and 1/2 years will be end at no time. And you will be reading this with a big smile on your face. I love you.