rant on parenthood

it is just a random thought. from a daughter, to their parents. anonymously.

just got a call from my lil brother. he said, he was punched by this boy at the school. 2 times! just because he was called 'bapok'. i wonder how those 12 years old boy learn the word bapok. i mean, they are just 12 kot. it is mean! but the thing is, he told my parents. and what my dad said was... 'it is okay. there is nothing worst pn'. like what? you can just tell your son things like that? but if those cases happened at his school, amboi. bukan main lagi. the intention of me writing this is not to embarrassed my father. NO! not at all. but, it made my heart felt like... i don't know. i do believe that my brother would not do anything wrong to the bully-er. it is not I am being bias. but he is my brother, i know him. i know that he is called bapok because he is soft-hearted. is this how the world is? you are being bullied because you are nice and polite to others. Allah...

at one point, i felt that we as siblings are not being treated well by our parents. because they are too busy. and, i am not complaining. i just want to know. where is our right as their child? it is my history. and our history. i am grateful with what we have now. Alhamdulillah for that. despite that, our relationship with our parents is not like others people that can literally bond with their parents. and sometimes i feel devastated that i am a daughter of a religious teacher but i never really practiced the way of islamic living *is that is what it is called? i know it is our effort thatto live the way of islamic life but doesn't it is a bonus if one of my parents is a religious teacher? well in my family, it happens to be, NO. we learnt Islam like other kids at school. in class. and never at home. it's not that we does not practicing Islam-way-of-life at home. but, xde beza pun between us and other people. 

.......

and you know what? this make me feel that i don't want any kids. i am afraid that i will do the same. i will treat them right and i will make my work as my priority. and not my kids. 

when the dunya become the main priority, we lose our main aim that is the highest jannah and that make us belong to those people who are lost. Allah, please guide us to the right path. please...

Allah, please forgive my mom and my dad. i know that they are trying really hard to give the best accommodation for us in this dunya. but we halalkan everything.