i cant talk

assalamualaikum ;)

i'm going to start doing my PSM project but at the time i feel like i want to rant something about me. i cant talk. yes, i cant. but not that kind of cant talk, it is kinda like in some situations, i cant talk fluently. these situations happen when i try to start a conversation with someone, at my presentation with some topics that i have or haven't prepared for and when the time that i have the lowest level of confidence. it is always sucks when all of these situations came to me.

btw, when it all happens i will tend to start lying to 'expand' the conversation and speech. i know it sucks and at some point. i hate that. and that is the reason why i hardly speaking to others or start a conversation especially with those i dont feel going to talk to or some strangers. i have the difficulties to expand the topic that we are talking. but u will never know the time when i talk to Shafil, it will be like bullets coming from my mouth. i always tell him tht i didnt talk to anybody except him. so, all my thoughts and ideas will be channeled to him. and the fact tht i know is, he will always hear to all the craps that i am talking. hhi.

i just dont know what craps to talk about. everything are really organized inside my head, but to translate those things inside my head, that is the hardest part for being me too. i wish i could be Maria Elena.